Dear God

I am writing this to you even though I know you are everywhere. In the paper and pencil when I write, in the computer where it will be posted, in all the screens where this letter will be displayed. You are in all these places and everywhere else, so why write.? Because I like writing to you. :)

You were right when you told Arjuna that he must think of you always. Whenever I think of you, all my sadness, misery, tensions, even happiness vanish. I am filled with the most exquisite peace, bliss and love. The world flickers and becomes indistinct and then there is only this vast silence where there is no desire, no thought, no emotion, just ineffable bliss.

When I think of you all my thoughts, words and deeds are right ones. There is no question that it will be otherwise. I wish to remain in this always. I do not understand the reason why I came into this world because its illusions make me forget my true nature. I’m sure my soul that is you, had a good enough reason. But now that I am in it, I would like you to show me how to remain aware of my divine self always. How to remember always that I am you when the world intervenes and tells me otherwise. That is all I ask of you, dear God.

There are a lot of things I would like to talk about. Maybe some other time. I’m sure you don’t mind waiting. After all you are beyond time.

Love
from love to love for all is love

Abundance

It is indeed a blessing to realise that we are whole and complete in ourselves. That there is a whole universe within us. That we lack in nothing. That we are luminosity itself. We are love. But sometimes it so happens that we lose touch with our inner light, our inner source of love. And craving for it we go outside, among things and people, looking for that spark to light up the apparent darkness, to fill up the imagined emptiness. But no matter how much love we receive from outside, or the amount of food we fill our insides with, or the tons of money we spend on ourselves, unless we reconnect with our own inner light, we are going to wallow in darkness and craving and misery.

The whole consumer / fast food industry thrives on this imagined inner darkness. People consume because it the only way they know to fill the inner void. They try to fill it up with things, or casual affairs, or alcohol, mindless TV watching, mindless activity, endless empty conversation and so on. Of course, with no success. When all it requires is a journey inward to find the source of abundance and love. That which no one can take away from us except our own mistaken belief that we are poor and unloved.

Look! Look closely!

--------- this one is dedicated to you Ushasam ----------

Look at a leaf. Any leaf. Small, big, round, spiked, shiny, matte... Look at how it just sits there at the end of a branch, nodding slightly at the wind. Feel its aliveness. Feel its vibrancy. See how it quietly, without any sound, gently giving and receiving, in quiet symbiosis. It does not think about its own greatness. It does not think how much it is giving to the world, how much worth it has or does not have. No, not even fruits think that. Look beyond, its shape, its colour, its texture. Look beyond its physicality. Drop your mind and look beyond the apparent. Even though it has a boundary and is attached to a stem, feel it open to the universe, a part of it and one with it. Feel its silence. Feel its joy. Feel it’s Beingness.

Look at yourself. Body, thoughts, emotions. Where are these felt and experienced? In the mind. It is the mind that registers the existence of the body, that knows itself to be thinking, the thoughts of which give rise to reactions in the body that are felt as emotions. But look at the mind itself, always moving, always changing, never constant. Can anything as inconstant as that be true? Happiness, misery, moods come and go, even your own self-image changes according to the nature of your thoughts. Can anything eternal come from the mind? Look beyond the mind. There is something that never changes, that was not young when you were a baby, is not an adult, will not be old when the body grows old. Is constant, unmoving yet vibrant. Is not confined to the body. Is beneath and beyond your every thought and feeling. Is eternal. Is unbound. Is free. Feel the silence. Feel the Beingness. Feel the bliss.

What opens us to someone else?

(article from the Dominion Post dated 24th Sept ‘09)

by Neil Rosenthal

Let’s say you were looking to love someone – or to love someone more fully. What would you do to achieve that goal? Pamper her with jewellery? Compliment him? Romance her more? Spend more time together? Bring her flowers? Seduce him?

Well, not exactly. Not that those behaviours wouldn’t be appreciated, but rather they are only partial answers to the question of what it takes for us to be more loving. The real answer is that we require the five As: attention, acceptance/approval, appreciation, affection and allowing. Those behaviours taken together opens us up and make us feel safe, secure, loved, valued and cherished.

Attention. Attunement. Noticing what someone is doing, how they’re doing, how they’re feeling, what they sound like, what they need and want. When we feel someone’s genuine and friendly attention, we feel more deeply known for who we are, and it creates greater degrees of connection, trust and safety. Attention is about bringing someone into our focus, so we no longer see that person with as much blurred vision. To desire attention is to desire a listener who focuses on you with kindness and respect, who takes you seriously and who values how you feel.

Acceptance / Approval. When you feel accepted, you feel worthy. Trusted. Approved of as you are. Supported. The more secure you feel regarding how accepted you are, the more you will be able to open up and love more freely. So how do we accept traits and behaviours in our partner (and in ourselves) which are self-destructive, self-centred, morally wrong, foolish and risky? The answer lies in seeing beyond someone’s weaknesses to his or her inner being, where we can see his/her inner beauty and potential. It is only then that we can speak against a behaviour without speaking against the person.

Appreciation. To feel greater levels of self-confidence and self-worth, we need to feel recognised, appreciated, respected and valued for what we are, what we give, what we do and how we are unique and special. We thrive when we are encouraged, and appreciation is encouragement. It also fosters greater closeness.

Affection. Touch is essential for opening up and remaining intimate. From holding hands to making love, expressing ourselves physically helps us stay connected and secure in each other’s presence. But affection can be more than physical. It is also about feeling and communicating that you genuinely like someone else, and like being in his / her presence. You are also being affectionate when you are kind, considerate, playful, romantic, compassionate, thoughtful and empathetic.

Allowing. In a relationship, when I am allowed to be my authentic self, to express my deepest needs and longings, to trust in my own judgement, to go after creating my life’s goals and ambitions and to explore my own unique path and interests, you are allowing me the ability to create my best self. My best self is the self I would be if I weren’t devoting so much of my time and energy to meeting everyone else’s needs, expectations and demands. So if you want me, you cannot be controlling of me, or put so many nasty demands on me that I wind up losing myself in order to take care of you.

The five As are eloquently articulated and described by David Richo in his book How to be an adult in Relationships (Shambala). They are the essential ingredients of love, respect, security and support. All of them make us more loving both when we give and when we receive them.

Neil Rosenthal is a marriage and family therapist specialising in intimate relationships.

Just in passing

I remember a train journey I once undertook from Kerala to Mumbai where for the most part I did nothing but tree-gazing. I was in the ladies compartment with other ladies for company but travelling alone and just sitting at the window looking at the trees outside. Which were densely packed and verdant in Kerala but grew sparser as we travelled through Tamil Nadu, Andhra Pradesh and Karnataka. I remember I got through the whole journey without feeling the need to lie down except at night when it was dark outside and the trees invisible, and with no mental tedium that is usually associated with such long journeys. It was somehow more fascinating than talking to my co-passengers, engaging in small-talk and exchanging pleasantries. It was during that journey that I realised that trees have a character of their own, no matter how deformed, broken or dwarfed they might be. They in their wooden silence communicated far more than humans do in their animated talk. Maybe it’s because trees can’t be anything else but themselves. While humans beings are role-playing most of the time. It must have been a truly memorable journey because that’s the only one that stands out in my memory all these years and so many other train journeys later.

Two ways to look at a tree

Let’s say we are engaged in the joyful occupation of looking at a tree. I’ve noticed that there are at least two ways in which we can look at a tree.

The first way would be to look at the tree critically. As soon as we begin, the minds starts a running commentary comprising of statements, observations and questions. Something like – “The tree looks so beautiful / green / bare / wilted. I wonder how old it is. But I can find out only by cutting it down and counting the rings. But it certainly looks old. I wonder if there are any birds’ nests in it. What kinds of birds would be nesting in it? Does it produce flowers? Or fruits? How does one tell if a tree’s fruit is edible and not poisonous? Maybe in the old days people tried eating all the fruits and when they found it tasty and no one died, they pronounced it edible.” And on and on. At the end of half an hour, our brain would have worked out a number of things about the tree and worked itself up trying to get a cerebral understanding of the tree.

The other way would be to simply watch the tree. If any thoughts come up to watch those as well. Eventually the thoughts would all die down and there would be only the tree in all its Beingness. After a while the barriers that separate you and the tree might begin to dissolve and you may begin to feel that your being is one with that of the tree’s. It wouldn’t even matter that you are one kind of living being and the tree is another. And that you communicate using different means. Because you would have reached a state where it can be said that you are in communion with the tree, that the tree and you are one. After that there could be a realisation that you and the tree are both pure consciousness of which you and the tree are manifestations. That can be said to be a state of pure love. This state, of course, can be reached with anything, whether living or non-living.

Unfortunately, most of us live in a world where we don’t get a chance to look within ourselves, let alone watch a tree. We mostly only look at CVs, bank balances, health test reports, other people's successes, and of course the mirror. Our lives are almost entirely lived in the external, in the world. Outside events and experiences determine all our joys and miseries. We fail to notice that there is an inner world that is vastly more powerful, more magnificent, more blissful and which encompasses the whole universe, not just the world of the senses. That the joy present in this world is totally independent of the outside world and can be accessed anytime, regardless of the circumstances.

Sometimes we need to watch a tree / a cloud / raindrops / sunset / cats. Or just observe silence.

Footnote : Most societies, even the most materially prosperous ones, are still living in ‘survival’ mode. The poorer ones are just trying to survive in the physical plane, ie trying to keep body and soul together. But once this need has been met we construct more and more elaborate models to keep what we have acquired and acquire more and more. Then it has more to do with the ‘survival’ of the status quo. And as more success is achieved the subtle shift in the status quo ensures that more prosperous societies struggle and stress out as much as poorer societies do, trying to keep themselves in the ‘income bracket’ / comfort zone and to move further up. Thereby condemning themselves to perpetually being in ‘survival’ mode.

Dignity of labour

On the first day as President Abraham Lincoln entered to give his inaugural address, just in the middle one man stood up. He was a rich aristocrat. He said, "Mr.Lincoln, you must not forget that your father used to make shoes for our family." And the whole Senate laughed, they thought they had made a fool of Abraham Lincoln.

But Lincoln, and that type of people are made of an entirely different mettle. Lincoln looked at the man and said, "Sir, I know that my father used to make shoes in your house for your family, and there will be many others here ... because the way he made shoes, nobody else can. He was a creator. His shoes were not just shoes, he poured his whole soul in it. I want to ask you, have you any complaint? Because I know how to make shoes myself, if you have any complaint, I can make another pair of shoes. But as far as I know, no one has ever complained about my father's shoes. He was a genius, a great creator and I am proud of my father."

The whole Senate was struk dumb. They could not understand what kind of man Abraham Lincoln was. He had made shoe-making an art, a creativity. And he was proud because his father did the job so well that not even a single complaint had ever been heard.

It does not matter what you do. It matters how you do it - of your own accord, with your own vision, with your own love. Then whatever you touch becomes gold.

I am That

That which throbs in my every heartbeat,

that which lies awake while I sleep,

that which rests in the gap between my thoughts,

that which negates me, destroys my ego,

that which transforms me into nothingness and everythingness,

I am That, I am That, I am the Brahmah.

Soulmates

Soulmates come into our life to teach us lessons.

When the teaching is done they leave.

That is inevitable.

Wisdom lies in letting them go.

Joy lies in being grateful that they came into our lives.

P.S. The laws of the soul are implacable and wise.

Haiku

Sometimes it is enough

to just be there

and just be yourself.

My need, a wound,

bleeds into the night,

bleeds me of joy.

Long dark night of rain,

long night of the soul,

brilliant, glorious morning.

Attention

Anything you nurture and pay attention to flourishes,
anything you neglect dies,
this is a law of nature.

P.S. this also applies to relationships.

Feelings and Emotions

---- a lovely poem by the Vietnamese poet Xuan Dieu ----

To be a poet is to hum with winds,
to ride the moon and dream, to roam with clouds,
to have one’s soul involved in myriad ties
and share one’s heart among a hundred loves.

Here is home where all the world may lodge,
a vase that gathers minds of every hue,
a garden birds will sow with every seed,
where honey flowers jostle poison fruits.

His eyes, two wells, contain the skies above;
his ears erect no barrier , stop no sound:
he can perceive each whisper out of space
and of the blue can catch the faintest hint.

With hand on breast, he feels the tide of blood
and tears for all men’s hearts within one heart.
He penetrate the murmur of a brook,
birdcalls, the howl of storms, a sunbeam’s cheer.

Born wingless, he takes off and roams the sky;
walking on earth, he visits heaven’s heights.
His minute can enfold a thousand years;
he sees all nature in one blade of grass.

I am just a little pin- a million things
are all a million magnets drawing me.
Night scents, entrancing, rise with the full moon-
why blame the poet for his throes of love?

- Xuan Dieu

Astonishing the Gods

----- excerpt from Astonishing the Gods by Ben Okri -----

And as he breathed deeply the changing colours of the air, he noticed that the glow that was his guide seemed to be floating.

"What is the first law of this place?" he asked his floating guide.

"The first law of our city", the guide said, with that almost ironic smile in the voice. "is that what you think is what becomes real."

He pondered this as he walked past fountains and alongside the fields of dancing colours that he had already passed before.

"Does that mean if I think I have passed the same place twice it too becomes real?"

"Yes."

"But what if I pass it twice before I think it?"

"That means you are not aware of it the first time. Anything you are not aware of you have to experience again."

"Why?"

"Because if you aren't aware of it, you didn't pass it. You didn't experience it."

"But what if I am aware of the second time?"

"Then you experienced it once. The law is simple. Every experience is repeated or suffered till you experience it properly and fully the first time."

"Why is this so?"

"It is one of the foundations of our civilisation. At the beginning of our history there was great suffering. Our sages learnt that we tend to repeat our suffering if we have not learnt fully all that can be learnt from it. And so we had to experience our suffering completely while it happened so it would be so deeply lodged in our memory and in our desire for a higher life that we would never want to experience the suffering again, in any form. Hence the law. Anyone wo sleeps through their experiences would have to undergo them for as many times as it takes to wake them up and make them feel the uniqueness or the horror of their experiences for the first time. This law is the basis of our civilisation, a permanent sense of wonder at the stillness of time."

"Is time still?"

"Does time move?"

"Yes."

"Where to?"

"I don't know."

"Have you seen it move?"

"Yes."

"Where?"

"On a sundial."

"That is a measurement of a motion. Time itself is invisible. It is not a river. While you are in time all time is still. As in a painting."

"But day turns into night."

"Yes."

"So times moves."

"No. The planet moves. Time is still."

"I don't understand."

"That's because you move your mind too much."

"What then is the second law of this place?"

"When you need to know it you will find out."

"You are a difficult guide."

"Wait till you meet the others."

With this remark the guide fell silent again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Strength Song

------ Powerful yet tender, another gem by Attila Jozsef -------

I toss spring over my shoulder
and feed it to my heart
I bear the yoke of my defiant age.
I groan but my knees refuse to bend.
I hoard the flaming dragon of my rages,
the tongue that wrings the page’s sorrows
Pyramid worlds crumble under my feet,
I stagger the heavens. The sun crowns my head.
Worlds of pain drain from my clenched fist
Nothing, but nothing brings me to my knees
but my mother’s grave overgrown with weeds

-Attila Jozsef

I wait for You

--- an amazing poem by the poet Attila Jozsef -----

I wait for you
There’s dew on the rough grass
Sprawling branches wait for you
With open arms

I am cold. The leaves are wet
And shiver at night.

Should you come, they would quiet.
And there would be great silence.
We would listen only to our hearts,
Feel only the sweetness of our lips.
Nothing else would matter

Our skins would burn
Red and infinite
And our souls melt
Into the dawn’s scented altar

-Attila Jozsef

The incredible lightness of being ...

The incredible lightness of being
without fear.

The incredible lightness of being
without desire.

The incredible lightness of being
my true self.

The incredible lightness of being
in God.

Beguilement

Between my body’s great desire to live
and my soul’s implacable will to be free,
I am caught, like a moth enthralled by the flame,
circles it in hypnotised flight.

Weighed down by the world and its ways,
my soul ever ready to take flight, waits.
While remembered glimpses of freedom
beguile, tantalise, but out of reach…

Whales

----- the latest from Tia's creative pen -----

Whales are creatures that live in the sea
They have feelings and moods
Just like you and just like me

They are beautiful animals
that should not be left out
they have tails and wonders with a water spout

So you see that these whales are important to me
in the ocean they live from Antarctica to Greece
we should just let them live in peace.

The flaming moth

My soul afire
at Your touch,
all else turned to ashes
at Your feet.

This flaming moth
this luminous soul,
resplendently caught
in the flame of Your candle.

Freed of bondage
light with bliss.
Only You and I
and ecstasy.

Emergence...

It took me three decades to finally realise that the purpose of my life is NOT to bear children or raise a family. To realise that I don’t have to be a mother to feel complete. That I don’t even need a home and hearth to be at home. It took me this long to find out that the only reason why I was born is to find myself. And what a perilous thing that seems, so fraught with adventure, danger, fear and failure. And yet when I look back, I see that I have come a long way from being a lost, confused, misguided youth to being a woman who is finally beginning to see glimpses of her true worth, to see that her womanliness is intact even without kids, her soul is divine under all circumstances, even when she is down in the dust. I have come to realise that I don’t need a man, a career, relationships, looks, wealth, roots, country or even the identity of a name to feel complete. I am finally beginning to see the wisdom of the words that ‘all treasures lie within’. So now I have finally dropped my search for them without.

At first it seemed strange because when you take away all external things there is nothing left. Our mind is so occupied with the externals, with the superficial things that we seek our happiness in. The lack of which causes pain, the presence of which gives happiness, but which is so temporary that it is foolish to base one’s happiness on something so inconstant. But when you drop your dependence on the mind, drop the mind itself, then a vast silence comes into being which instead of being desolate, is alive and pulsating. In which dwells peace that passes understanding, bliss that is out of the world and whose very nature is love.

I have realised that all the experiences I’ve gone through in life have been there for my learning, even the horrible ones. The ones I have railed against and shaken my fist at God against. That at that time felt like I was being made to swallow the bitterest, foulest medicine ever made. They were His form of tough love. It was as if He was saying to me, ‘Why are you all curled up and sitting in a bud? Bloom, my child, bloom to be the magnificent blossom you were meant to be.’ When someone trusts you so much you cannot let them down, can you? I guess the ugly chrysalis has to emerge to be a beautiful butterfly one day.

We are like waves in the huge ocean of existence, we rise briefly and fall back again into the source. The mistake we make is to think ourselves separate from the ocean, to lose our sense of connection with the whole. The knowledge of oneness is our only anchor, without it we toss anchorless, drifting aimlessly, buffeted by the storms of circumstance, bruised and broken on the rocks of misfortune.

So now I’m in a state of peace, a state of grace and this grace is hard-won. It did not come easily. It came after defeating persistent demons, crossing tumultuous rivers and braving devastating storms. It’s like the well-earned peace that comes after a particularly destructive storm, when all is swept away and the only thing standing is yourself. And you realise that that’s all you need to build again.

I have come to realise that my magnum opus is the book of my life. The masterpiece that is me is not in the making, it has already been created, already written. Harmonious, complete, joyful, in tune with the universe. After all, God writes only bestsellers :) I only have to read it and savour it, everyday, every moment.