Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Our dear Mother
Look at the Earth, inner core boiling furiously and as you go outwards the layers cooling to which a geologist would most certainly give names, until you reach the crust. That which we lovingly call Mother Earth. You touch it and it is moist and warm, almost as if it is a living, breathing being. And grass growing out of it and trees, and earthworm homes, and valleys formed and mountains and sand dunes. And inspiring of so much awe and almost worthy of worship. It is no wonder that people bend down and kiss the Earth, our dear Mother.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Train tales
Today was the first day at my new job and after a long time I was taking the train again. The ride into Wellington is indeed marvellous. This being the only city I have visited where the hills lie on one side of the tracks (and road) and the sea on the other. This juxtapostion of the green and the blue really blew my mind when I saw it for the first time. And there is this stretch of rail where the tracks run so close to the sea that when you look out of the window it appears as if you are in a boat because the land is hardly visible and all you can see is the sea.
So coming back to today, sitting in the train hearing the clackity-clack of the wheels again sends shivers up my spine and the air laden with moisture and the grass so lush everywhere and all manner of verdant growth takes me back to the train rides in the monsoons through the lush landscape of Kerala. I could almost envisage smoke curling up through coconut fronds. And passing green-carpeted soccer fields, and rain-washed driveways and the Hutt river, placid no more, but tanned and full-bodied like a Malayalee damsel. Rushing past wind-swept stations until the train stops at mine.
Yes, train rides are food for the heart for romantics like me ;-)
So coming back to today, sitting in the train hearing the clackity-clack of the wheels again sends shivers up my spine and the air laden with moisture and the grass so lush everywhere and all manner of verdant growth takes me back to the train rides in the monsoons through the lush landscape of Kerala. I could almost envisage smoke curling up through coconut fronds. And passing green-carpeted soccer fields, and rain-washed driveways and the Hutt river, placid no more, but tanned and full-bodied like a Malayalee damsel. Rushing past wind-swept stations until the train stops at mine.
Yes, train rides are food for the heart for romantics like me ;-)
Monday, August 07, 2006
Unlimited potential
5th August 2006
Today as I was meditating I found suddenly that the feeling of 'I' had disappeared along with all self-identity and I realised that there is no me, just the Divine realising Itself, being Itself. And strangely enough it was a very humbling experience. Because the ego had disappeared, as also the mind and the emotions, just an awareness remained. And the feeling of slight pain in my shoulder and the body touching the ground. There was no joy nor pain, no want, no desire, no bliss or sorrow, just nothingness.
Afterwards when I came out of meditation I had the feeling that nothing mattered anymore, all the mundane concerns of daily life had disappeared. Just the feeling that everything had been taken care of. And the Divine which is not the narrow false self has the power to create anything It wanted to. And then it occured to me that if the entity which is called 'me' is the Divine expressing Itself then how can 'I' entertain the idea of being limited by anything. Because the Divine is limitless and has the endless potential to create anything and be anything.
Today as I was meditating I found suddenly that the feeling of 'I' had disappeared along with all self-identity and I realised that there is no me, just the Divine realising Itself, being Itself. And strangely enough it was a very humbling experience. Because the ego had disappeared, as also the mind and the emotions, just an awareness remained. And the feeling of slight pain in my shoulder and the body touching the ground. There was no joy nor pain, no want, no desire, no bliss or sorrow, just nothingness.
Afterwards when I came out of meditation I had the feeling that nothing mattered anymore, all the mundane concerns of daily life had disappeared. Just the feeling that everything had been taken care of. And the Divine which is not the narrow false self has the power to create anything It wanted to. And then it occured to me that if the entity which is called 'me' is the Divine expressing Itself then how can 'I' entertain the idea of being limited by anything. Because the Divine is limitless and has the endless potential to create anything and be anything.
The Huka Jet experience
The Huka Falls never fails to hold me in awe. Even though I have seen it many times before. The tons of clear blue water that hurtles down the narrow gorge in a deafening uproar is Nature at its most majestic. So I decided to have a closer look at the Waikato River on which the falls are situated. What better way than to take a ride in the Huka Jet?
So here I am in the front seat all belted up and reinforced against the spray. I am sitting next to a man who is part of a group all speaking a strange language, so I ask him where he is from. It turns out that they are originally from Holland, moved to Spain, but now living in New Zealand for the past twenty years. I am about to ask if the language they are speaking is Dutch or Spanish, when we are interrupted by the arrival of another group who turns out to be from Korea. Then the driver jumps in and I say to my neighbour "He must be the only Kiwi in the group".
So off we go, whizzing over the water, setting it on fire, the ducks ducking for cover, the black swans placidly looking for food, their necks undulating gracefully. Past cliff faces, past the hillside covered in tropical ferns, the boat veering dangerously, doing 360 degree spins, spraying us all with water, the wind rushing past my ears, my cheeks, the water and wind in a frenzy. And I have the feeling that I am airborne, flying over the river towards Huka Falls. And the falls in the distance, gushing blue and we are at the foot amidst the boiling, gurgling water.
The jetboat ride that took my breath away with its sheer audacity, its dizzying spins and the breathtaking beauty.
The power of dreams
I was driving back from the Huka Jet towards Taupo town when I saw a sign saying 'NZ woodcraft and ceramics'. On an impulse I took the detour and went into the shop. Inside were a great many fine woodturned bowls and other items in kauri and rimu and other types of wood. The grain in the wood had created unique patterns in them so that each one of them was a unique piece, with its own stamp and its own signature.
Halfway through I saw a sign that said that Chris was selling his business and tools etc. On the way out I walked over to the man at the counter and asked him, "Are you Chris?", "Yes", "Are you selling your business?", "Yes", "Why?" "Because I have been doing it for the past 20 years and now I want to fly planes instead". Mind you, Chris looked like he was in the early fifties, so rather doubtfully I asked "Oh, you want to become a pilot?", "Yes, I have been training to fly for the last four years", "And fly commercial flights?" "No, I am too old for that, but I would like to fly planes that are used for top-dressing", "What is that?", "Planes that spray fertiliser on fields", "Then what about woodturning, are you going to give it up? This is such a major switch, are you going to give up your passion?". "Yes, it is a major switch, that is why I have been training to fly. But woodturning is not my passion, now it is just a job that has to be done, even though it began as a passion. Now flying is my passion. I took my first flight when I was five and decided then that I would fly someday even though it took me 55 years to fulfill my dream".
I was so impressed and moved with this that I asked to take his photograph in front of the pictures of the planes that he had up put up. He kindly obliged.
It is never too late to realise your dreams, so what if you are only a few steps away from the grave. It is just that you should never let go of them. Chris is such a Godsend.
Halfway through I saw a sign that said that Chris was selling his business and tools etc. On the way out I walked over to the man at the counter and asked him, "Are you Chris?", "Yes", "Are you selling your business?", "Yes", "Why?" "Because I have been doing it for the past 20 years and now I want to fly planes instead". Mind you, Chris looked like he was in the early fifties, so rather doubtfully I asked "Oh, you want to become a pilot?", "Yes, I have been training to fly for the last four years", "And fly commercial flights?" "No, I am too old for that, but I would like to fly planes that are used for top-dressing", "What is that?", "Planes that spray fertiliser on fields", "Then what about woodturning, are you going to give it up? This is such a major switch, are you going to give up your passion?". "Yes, it is a major switch, that is why I have been training to fly. But woodturning is not my passion, now it is just a job that has to be done, even though it began as a passion. Now flying is my passion. I took my first flight when I was five and decided then that I would fly someday even though it took me 55 years to fulfill my dream".
I was so impressed and moved with this that I asked to take his photograph in front of the pictures of the planes that he had up put up. He kindly obliged.
It is never too late to realise your dreams, so what if you are only a few steps away from the grave. It is just that you should never let go of them. Chris is such a Godsend.
The great escape
I had an interesting experience at the motel in Waihi on Friday night. I had just finished my shower and was about to come out of the bathroom when I realised that the door had no handle to turn the lock just a hole where the handle used to be . So here I was effectively locked in and stranded. My first thought was to open the window, climb out and go for help. So I climb on top of the wash basin, open the window and peer into the darkness. Unfortumnaely it is so dark outside that I cannot see the ground and I decide that the drop is too high and if I break my leg in the jump, I will not be able to drive back home.
I have a couple of hair-clips in my hair so I decide to fiddle with the lock. Many attempts later the lock is still firmly in place when I hear a car starting up. I climb the basin again and wave frantically also yelling 'Help!'. The car vanishes into the night in total oblivion. Then panic strikes. 'Oh God, I am going to spend the night here and tomorrow night until they come looking for me on Sunday. Help me God!' I beg. Then my mind clears and I think, this is an adventure and I am in control and surely there must be way out. So I fiddle with the lock some more until I come to the realisation that unless I am a master locksmith or an expert burglar, I am not going to find the lever in the lock with a hairclip. So I go back to the window and look out until my eyes get accustomed to the darkness and I find that the ground is not so low after all. The next thing I know I am climbing through the window and jumping out and walking to Reception.
There is always a first time to do something. My first window escape was very exciting and most illuminating.
Postscript : I must say reading all those spy novels helped :-)
I have a couple of hair-clips in my hair so I decide to fiddle with the lock. Many attempts later the lock is still firmly in place when I hear a car starting up. I climb the basin again and wave frantically also yelling 'Help!'. The car vanishes into the night in total oblivion. Then panic strikes. 'Oh God, I am going to spend the night here and tomorrow night until they come looking for me on Sunday. Help me God!' I beg. Then my mind clears and I think, this is an adventure and I am in control and surely there must be way out. So I fiddle with the lock some more until I come to the realisation that unless I am a master locksmith or an expert burglar, I am not going to find the lever in the lock with a hairclip. So I go back to the window and look out until my eyes get accustomed to the darkness and I find that the ground is not so low after all. The next thing I know I am climbing through the window and jumping out and walking to Reception.
There is always a first time to do something. My first window escape was very exciting and most illuminating.
Postscript : I must say reading all those spy novels helped :-)
The living air
There is something akin to meditation about driving alone on long journeys. After a while it feels as if the car is an extension of your body, the smooth road is flowing from the car and the grassy slopes are part of the road. The mountains a continuation of the slopes which in turn run into the sky with its clouds which merge with the midday sun and the unseen stars until your consciousnes expands to fill the universe.
By the lake, alone
My trip to Lake Taupo was simply fantastic. I stayed in a place called Little Waihi on the south side of the lake. Lake Taupo is a huge volcanic crater filled with water. You almost can't see the other side, it looks more like a sea. I got a motel room by the lake side and on Friday I just sat and watched the lake, read a bit, contemplated a bit. Due to the thermal activity in the area, there was steam coming out of the edge of the lake so that it looked as if the lake was boiling. There were ducks and a pair of beautiful black swans with red beaks. It was so peaceful, so serene. It was truly an unwinding.
On Saturday, I drove to the township of Taupo, 40 minutes away and went to Huka Falls again. Every time I see it it takes my breath away. All those tonnes of water gushing down the narrow gorge, and the water so clear, it is blue. The sound simply magical, roaring and gushing as if Nature is wishing to express herself. And when it reaches the wider part, the water just boils with the force, blue circles erupting in white spray. This time I decided to take the Huka Jet, a jetboat ride that travels up the Waikato River, making spins and whizzing past cliff faces on its way to the foot of the Huka Falls. It was simply beautiful.
The two other things I wanted to do, I couldn't because - whitewater rafting was closed for the winter and skydiving wasn't happening because it was too cloudy to skydive. Maybe next time.
It rained the whole of Saturday night and when I left the motel on Sunday morning it was still raining. I had planned to go to Mt.Raupehu on the way back but the rain had made visibility so bad that I couldn't even see the mountain on the drive back which is usually very clearly visible. But the drive was beautiful. The rain creating this constant raaga on the roof, sometimes thumri, sometimes dhrupad. And the air all misty and washed clean and pure, the raindrops forming ripples on little ponds. The grass so green stretching from the side of the road up into the hills, over slopes and dunes and valleys. The little streams flowing muddily and happily. And the leaves glistening with rain, little drops forming on the tips. And pastures polka-dotted with sheep and cows and horses. And the clouds clinging to the foothills rising as if aspiring for the sky. The countryside so beautiful and so verdant.
Yes, it was truly a memorable trip.
Photos at http://community.webshots.com/user/jollyjm
On Saturday, I drove to the township of Taupo, 40 minutes away and went to Huka Falls again. Every time I see it it takes my breath away. All those tonnes of water gushing down the narrow gorge, and the water so clear, it is blue. The sound simply magical, roaring and gushing as if Nature is wishing to express herself. And when it reaches the wider part, the water just boils with the force, blue circles erupting in white spray. This time I decided to take the Huka Jet, a jetboat ride that travels up the Waikato River, making spins and whizzing past cliff faces on its way to the foot of the Huka Falls. It was simply beautiful.
The two other things I wanted to do, I couldn't because - whitewater rafting was closed for the winter and skydiving wasn't happening because it was too cloudy to skydive. Maybe next time.
It rained the whole of Saturday night and when I left the motel on Sunday morning it was still raining. I had planned to go to Mt.Raupehu on the way back but the rain had made visibility so bad that I couldn't even see the mountain on the drive back which is usually very clearly visible. But the drive was beautiful. The rain creating this constant raaga on the roof, sometimes thumri, sometimes dhrupad. And the air all misty and washed clean and pure, the raindrops forming ripples on little ponds. The grass so green stretching from the side of the road up into the hills, over slopes and dunes and valleys. The little streams flowing muddily and happily. And the leaves glistening with rain, little drops forming on the tips. And pastures polka-dotted with sheep and cows and horses. And the clouds clinging to the foothills rising as if aspiring for the sky. The countryside so beautiful and so verdant.
Yes, it was truly a memorable trip.
Photos at http://community.webshots.com/user/jollyjm
Thursday, August 03, 2006
The Elvis experience
The show Elvis Viva Las Vegas was wonderful. Grant Sullivan looked like Elvis (maybe a tad shorter), had a voice like Elvis and sang like Elvis. The only disappointment was that he didn't rock'n roll like Elvis. There is something electrifying in watching a live performance. The drums beats coming up through the floors and reverberating in the chest region, the energy of the music, the singer, the dancers, the guitarist pulsating through the air, wrapping around you and making your feet tap, your hands clap and your heart racing with excitement.
He sang the popular numbers and the old ones and when the curtain fell, he had not sung my favourite song which I had been praying he would sing. Miraculously the curtain lifted again and he said 'I forgot to sing the last number' and to my heart's delight he belted out 'The wonder of you'. Truly magical.
Note to myself : Must go for live shows more often and must get up and boogie.
Friday, July 28, 2006
Silence
Sometimes I sit and watch people talking, saying words that mean nothing and I wonder "Why do people talk so much, is it to fill the empty spaces in the hours, is it to fill the empty spaces in their hearts". Reams and reams of speech laced with loneliness, covertly seeking approval, seeking love. Words that create a patina of comfort that if withdrawn will leave them cold and disconsolate. And my silence, is it conceit, is it arrogance, or is it the silent pool in which I can see reflected my own fears and doubts?
Friday, July 21, 2006
Karma Yoga
What is Karma Yoga? A yoga attained through selfless service, renouncing the fruits of one’s action, and performing actions with pure intention, devoid of selfish motive. To uplift the lives of others!
But how many of us walk on the path of Karma Yoga with no thought of reward? Some people crave recognition, some hope that the people they are helping will help them back. Some have some other motive. I feel that karma yoga can be practiced in every thing you do, every little action, every small deed. Even if it washing the dishes or mowing the lawn or writing a letter. If all these actions are done with love, so the simple pleasure of doing for doing sake or with the thought that God is in everything and the doing is a kind of worship towards God, then you will be walking the path of Karma Yoga all the time. Take the simple act of smiling at someone. Many times we smile by just moving our lips, how often does the smile reach our eyes? How often does our smile come out of our hearts and touch the other person’s heart? How often does our smile carry blessing?
If we are in touch with the wellspring of love within us all the time then everything we do will be an act of love, we will be touch with the Divine all the time, we will be Karma Yogis always.
But how many of us walk on the path of Karma Yoga with no thought of reward? Some people crave recognition, some hope that the people they are helping will help them back. Some have some other motive. I feel that karma yoga can be practiced in every thing you do, every little action, every small deed. Even if it washing the dishes or mowing the lawn or writing a letter. If all these actions are done with love, so the simple pleasure of doing for doing sake or with the thought that God is in everything and the doing is a kind of worship towards God, then you will be walking the path of Karma Yoga all the time. Take the simple act of smiling at someone. Many times we smile by just moving our lips, how often does the smile reach our eyes? How often does our smile come out of our hearts and touch the other person’s heart? How often does our smile carry blessing?
If we are in touch with the wellspring of love within us all the time then everything we do will be an act of love, we will be touch with the Divine all the time, we will be Karma Yogis always.
Monday, July 17, 2006
The light within
This morning while I was meditating I felt I was being surrounded by so much love, wave upon wave of love. This love slowly reached into me until I felt a radiance within me and I suddenly realised that there was this beauty shining within me. Simple and breathtaking. And I was thinking all those people who said that they can see inner beauty within me were not wrong after all. Breakthrough moment.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Intimations of Immortality
Excerpts from 'Intimations of Immortality' by William Wordsworth
Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting
The soul that rises with us, our life's star
Hath had elsewhere its setting
And cometh from afar:
Not in entire forget fullness,
And not in utter nakedness
But trailing clouds of glory do we come
From God who is our home.
And I have felt
A presence that disturbs me with the joy
Of elevated thoughts; a sense sublime
Of something far more deeply interfused,
Whose dwelling is the light of setting suns,
And the round ocean and the living air,
And the blue sky and the mind of Man
A motion and a spirit, that impels
All thinking things, all objects of all thoughts
And rolls through all things.
Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting
The soul that rises with us, our life's star
Hath had elsewhere its setting
And cometh from afar:
Not in entire forget fullness,
And not in utter nakedness
But trailing clouds of glory do we come
From God who is our home.
And I have felt
A presence that disturbs me with the joy
Of elevated thoughts; a sense sublime
Of something far more deeply interfused,
Whose dwelling is the light of setting suns,
And the round ocean and the living air,
And the blue sky and the mind of Man
A motion and a spirit, that impels
All thinking things, all objects of all thoughts
And rolls through all things.
The special cracker
Written after the Delhi bomb blast in a marketplace last Diwali.
I got a special cracker
this Festival of Lights.
It was such fun when
my mother and I went shopping,
we bought clothes, sweets, diyas
and of course crackers.
I finally managed to persuade her to buy
the special cracker that
she has been saying I was too small for.
I could imagine myself setting off the rocket
and standing back and watching
as it took off and exploded with a loud pop
and then blossomed into
tiny pinpricks of light.
And sure enough, just then
there was a loud explosion
and a blaze of light.
My mother was thrown against me,
I hit the ground
and then nothing but blackness.
I am in hospital now,
there are tubes in my arms, nose and mouth.
My father fusses over me
with a sad expression.
Sometimes when I wake up from a doze,
I see him softly sobbing into his hands.
I want to reach up and stroke his head
like he used to when i cried,
but it hurts too much to move.
Maybe mother would do it if she was here,
but why isn't she coming?
I got a special cracker
this Festival of Lights.
It was such fun when
my mother and I went shopping,
we bought clothes, sweets, diyas
and of course crackers.
I finally managed to persuade her to buy
the special cracker that
she has been saying I was too small for.
I could imagine myself setting off the rocket
and standing back and watching
as it took off and exploded with a loud pop
and then blossomed into
tiny pinpricks of light.
And sure enough, just then
there was a loud explosion
and a blaze of light.
My mother was thrown against me,
I hit the ground
and then nothing but blackness.
I am in hospital now,
there are tubes in my arms, nose and mouth.
My father fusses over me
with a sad expression.
Sometimes when I wake up from a doze,
I see him softly sobbing into his hands.
I want to reach up and stroke his head
like he used to when i cried,
but it hurts too much to move.
Maybe mother would do it if she was here,
but why isn't she coming?
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Wherefore dreams ?
Why do we see total strangers in our dreams? Are they people who crossed our lives and evoked in us strong feelings of affection or fear or disdain? And then we somehow forgot about them.
Why do we dream of strange situations? Are they our secret desires surfacing, our suppressed fears, our hidden fantasies?
What messages are they trying to tell us? Or are we just housecleaning? Are dreams messengers from our subconscious mind or a subconscious vacuum cleaner?
Why do we dream of strange situations? Are they our secret desires surfacing, our suppressed fears, our hidden fantasies?
What messages are they trying to tell us? Or are we just housecleaning? Are dreams messengers from our subconscious mind or a subconscious vacuum cleaner?
Monday, July 10, 2006
Being
Today I had the realisation that there is no me only the Divine which wishes to express itself through this body, mind, emotions and the soul which is the means of experiencing the Divine. There is not ego, no success nor failure, no pain nor pleasure, just infiniteness, lightness, oneness. There is just bliss.
I realized the meaning of the Biblical words “In Him I live and move and have my Being”
I realized the meaning of the Biblical words “In Him I live and move and have my Being”
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
I dreamt of you
I dreamt of you last night -
we met in a public place,
you looked younger,
like when i saw you last,
you looked straight into my eyes
and spoke with such simplicity.
We must have spoken for a long time,
then with some urgency you said,
"I have to go now"
and then you left.
It felt as if someone
had turned off the sun.
I then walked through the streets
looking for your face
among the faces of strangers.
I woke up soon after
with a sweet anticipation.
But the birdsong seemed sad somehow.
we met in a public place,
you looked younger,
like when i saw you last,
you looked straight into my eyes
and spoke with such simplicity.
We must have spoken for a long time,
then with some urgency you said,
"I have to go now"
and then you left.
It felt as if someone
had turned off the sun.
I then walked through the streets
looking for your face
among the faces of strangers.
I woke up soon after
with a sweet anticipation.
But the birdsong seemed sad somehow.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
All I know
It matters not at which spring you fill your cup;
All I know is that my love for you,
is like the ecstatic merging of the river and the sea.
It matters not whose flowers scent yur breath;
All I know is that when I think of you,
Love unfolds like a flower and enfolds me in its fragrance.
It matters now which sand fills the hourglass of your time;
All I know is that when I look into your eyes,
time stands still and I gaze into eternity.
It matters not which wind blows through the crevices of your heart;
All I know is that when I kiss your forehead,
it is the softest, tenderest thing I have ever done.
It matters not where you spend your days and nights;
All I know is that when you take me in your arms,
I have reached a place called home.
All I know is that my love for you,
is like the ecstatic merging of the river and the sea.
It matters not whose flowers scent yur breath;
All I know is that when I think of you,
Love unfolds like a flower and enfolds me in its fragrance.
It matters now which sand fills the hourglass of your time;
All I know is that when I look into your eyes,
time stands still and I gaze into eternity.
It matters not which wind blows through the crevices of your heart;
All I know is that when I kiss your forehead,
it is the softest, tenderest thing I have ever done.
It matters not where you spend your days and nights;
All I know is that when you take me in your arms,
I have reached a place called home.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Surrender
Drop you fears, your turmoil
into the lake of my heart,
let's sit on the shore together
and watch the waves grow still.
Drop your silences gently
into the open spaces of my heart,
let them dance and twirl
into melody ineffable.
Drop your dreams softly
into the laughing, liquid void,
let's watch them come true
in starlit splendour.
Drop your joy, your bliss
into the hard shell of my pain,
let's merge and become one
in loving, painful tenderness.
into the lake of my heart,
let's sit on the shore together
and watch the waves grow still.
Drop your silences gently
into the open spaces of my heart,
let them dance and twirl
into melody ineffable.
Drop your dreams softly
into the laughing, liquid void,
let's watch them come true
in starlit splendour.
Drop your joy, your bliss
into the hard shell of my pain,
let's merge and become one
in loving, painful tenderness.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
The Dancing Moonlight
I had a dream last night. It is nighttime. I am standing in the balcony of a flat in Bombay. On the first floor. The road below is clearly visible. But strangely the road is flooded with knee-deep water. The night is dark but the moon is full. Pouring moonlight onto everything. The buildings around eerily awash in moonlight and the people standing in the balconies white sprites. On the road below a strange spectacle unfolding. People standing in a line in the moonlit water passing a metal wire gleaming silver in the moonlight. This wire sliding like a snake from end to end and back again. The moving people create ripples and the moonlight dancing on the waves. In the background a flute plays the most enchanting, mesmerizing tune. It is truly magical. The dancing moonlight, the silver wire, the silent people, the lonely flute. I wake up with the flute still hauntingly clear in my memory.
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