Main dhoonti hoon...

Main dhoonti hoon...
tumhare lafzon mein chupi khamoshiyon ke beech,
kahin woh khamoshi meri khamoshi se jud jaaye...

Main dhoonti hoon...
tumhare chehre ke badalte hue jazbaaton ke beech,
kahin pal bhar ke liye woh pyaar par ruk jaayein…

Main dhoonti hoon...
tumhari saari unn ankahi baaton ke beech,
kahin woh tumhe mujh tak le aayein…

Main dhoonti hoon...
tumhari aankhon ki gehraiyon ke beech,
kahin wahan mujhe tumhari rooh nazar aaye…

Main dhoonti hoon...
tumhari rooh ki nooriyon ke beech,
kahin unn mein mujhe khuda mil jaaye…

Dance of joy

I take huge heaps of solitude, add lots of energy, toss a Shuba Mudgal CD into the music system and here's what I got.

Pulsating music throbs, fills the room,
Drumbeats roll, trip, pound against my heart,
the notes of the shehnai, give wings to my heart
and the singer's voice, takes me through an emotional journey,
through the pangs of love, of separation,
the sweet agony of waiting, and the ecstasy of union,
the playfulness and joy of getting soaked in the rain,
the freedom of finding oneself.
The music washes against my body in waves,
soaks into me through my pores.
enters my bloodstream like a drug.

How can my body not move, how can it not dance?
Impelled by the voice, the rhythm, becoming feather-light,
caught in the taut embrace of the sound that fills the room,
eyes shut, I dance like one possessed,
a crazy smile on my face,
my heart filled with joy,
swirling round the room, I sway to the beat,
letting go of inhibitions, of the mind.
The music, the singer and I, we are one.
The music is me and I am it,
and the dance is the dance of our union.

In moments like these I truly live.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Life ....

I think there are two kinds of life -

One is the kind in which we go through life eating, defecating, procreating, sleeping and then dying. We do this because it is prescribed by society to be the right way and we follow it blindly, without question.

The other is to recognise that there is more to life than all this. After all even the animals do the same, then how are we different. We have been blessed with superior intellect, higher emotion, imagination, intuition, for what purpose? It is to always go upwards seeking the higher in us, to seek to know the truth about ourselves, to see and fulfill what we can of our unlimited potential, to feel our spirt ever seek expansion and union with the Spirit, to know oneness. In my opinion, that is the only life worth living.

Ironsmith wanted ...

Was listening to a song sung by Shuba Mudgal called 'Babul jiya mora...' in which the singer says she doesn't want to marry into a goldsmith's family because she is not fond of jewellery, nor does she want to go into a wealthy family as riches hold no interest for her, and neither does she want to be married into a royal family as she does not know how to rule, but her fervent plea is -

mohe lohar ke ghar de di joh
joh mori zanjeeren pighalaein.....

to give her a iron smith's family, so that her shackles can be melted away.

And I cannot help thinking that is something I would ardently desire too, some thing to melt away my shackles, these chains of the mind, of habit, and custom, of destructive thinking, of the grip of the vice like ego, the illusions of the mind that so powerfully bind me to the world, that whip up in my breast storms unimaginable, that churn my thoughts into a maelstrom when all that I want is for all this to fall away like autumn leaves fall off trees, to melt away like the sun melts snow on mountains and for me to rest in the Lord, in unutterable peace and ineffable bliss.

My soul's desire

A long time ago, once when I was between jobs, I was having a conversation with God (or my Inner Self) and I was telling Him that what I miss most about not having a job is the sense of achievement. And His answer had come, swift, simple and clear, "Your life is not about achievement".

And yet when I look back now, I find that I have achieved much in the worldly sense, I have pushed my boundaries many times, both mental and emotional, and I can say with some pride that I have been successful. It is but an empty victory, merely an ego trip, the satisfaction exists in the mind but not in the soul. I ask myself now, "Is that all I wanted?" "Is it all that is possible?" "Is this why my soul got manifested in human form?" "What is it that, I, the soul, desire?" The answer is 'nothing'. Nothing at all.

Which leads me to the realisation that all my treasures are inner ones. The outer ones, they wax and wane, gather and fade, but my essence is incredibly invaluable, my inner self is unchanging, immortal and is of immense worth. Needless to say, it is divine.

can-opener

I just realised while talking to you Ushasam, that sometimes we are so blinded by the illusions of the world and the trickery of the mind, that it takes pain, like a can-opener, to pierce through the layers of deceit, slit open the shell of our ignorance and make us see the truth. Yes, pain can be a baptism too and a deliverance, and the Lord never said that the path to Him is an easy one. So let me not falter and let me not fail, else the price would be too great. Or if I fall, let me rise again and again like Christ did on the way to His crucifixion, only then to gain salvation and mukti ......

Today

Today I feel all aglow, for
God has set my soul ablaze,
my mind transfixed in space,
my heart bent on its knees
my body turned to ashes,
only the light remains.
Today I have shed all my fears
also a few salty tears,
that wash away the muck and gross
and frees my soul of the dross,
which then soars as a song
of deep pining and sweet union.