Abundance

It is indeed a blessing to realise that we are whole and complete in ourselves. That there is a whole universe within us. That we lack in nothing. That we are luminosity itself. We are love. But sometimes it so happens that we lose touch with our inner light, our inner source of love. And craving for it we go outside, among things and people, looking for that spark to light up the apparent darkness, to fill up the imagined emptiness. But no matter how much love we receive from outside, or the amount of food we fill our insides with, or the tons of money we spend on ourselves, unless we reconnect with our own inner light, we are going to wallow in darkness and craving and misery.

The whole consumer / fast food industry thrives on this imagined inner darkness. People consume because it the only way they know to fill the inner void. They try to fill it up with things, or casual affairs, or alcohol, mindless TV watching, mindless activity, endless empty conversation and so on. Of course, with no success. When all it requires is a journey inward to find the source of abundance and love. That which no one can take away from us except our own mistaken belief that we are poor and unloved.

Look! Look closely!

--------- this one is dedicated to you Ushasam ----------

Look at a leaf. Any leaf. Small, big, round, spiked, shiny, matte... Look at how it just sits there at the end of a branch, nodding slightly at the wind. Feel its aliveness. Feel its vibrancy. See how it quietly, without any sound, gently giving and receiving, in quiet symbiosis. It does not think about its own greatness. It does not think how much it is giving to the world, how much worth it has or does not have. No, not even fruits think that. Look beyond, its shape, its colour, its texture. Look beyond its physicality. Drop your mind and look beyond the apparent. Even though it has a boundary and is attached to a stem, feel it open to the universe, a part of it and one with it. Feel its silence. Feel its joy. Feel it’s Beingness.

Look at yourself. Body, thoughts, emotions. Where are these felt and experienced? In the mind. It is the mind that registers the existence of the body, that knows itself to be thinking, the thoughts of which give rise to reactions in the body that are felt as emotions. But look at the mind itself, always moving, always changing, never constant. Can anything as inconstant as that be true? Happiness, misery, moods come and go, even your own self-image changes according to the nature of your thoughts. Can anything eternal come from the mind? Look beyond the mind. There is something that never changes, that was not young when you were a baby, is not an adult, will not be old when the body grows old. Is constant, unmoving yet vibrant. Is not confined to the body. Is beneath and beyond your every thought and feeling. Is eternal. Is unbound. Is free. Feel the silence. Feel the Beingness. Feel the bliss.

What opens us to someone else?

(article from the Dominion Post dated 24th Sept ‘09)

by Neil Rosenthal

Let’s say you were looking to love someone – or to love someone more fully. What would you do to achieve that goal? Pamper her with jewellery? Compliment him? Romance her more? Spend more time together? Bring her flowers? Seduce him?

Well, not exactly. Not that those behaviours wouldn’t be appreciated, but rather they are only partial answers to the question of what it takes for us to be more loving. The real answer is that we require the five As: attention, acceptance/approval, appreciation, affection and allowing. Those behaviours taken together opens us up and make us feel safe, secure, loved, valued and cherished.

Attention. Attunement. Noticing what someone is doing, how they’re doing, how they’re feeling, what they sound like, what they need and want. When we feel someone’s genuine and friendly attention, we feel more deeply known for who we are, and it creates greater degrees of connection, trust and safety. Attention is about bringing someone into our focus, so we no longer see that person with as much blurred vision. To desire attention is to desire a listener who focuses on you with kindness and respect, who takes you seriously and who values how you feel.

Acceptance / Approval. When you feel accepted, you feel worthy. Trusted. Approved of as you are. Supported. The more secure you feel regarding how accepted you are, the more you will be able to open up and love more freely. So how do we accept traits and behaviours in our partner (and in ourselves) which are self-destructive, self-centred, morally wrong, foolish and risky? The answer lies in seeing beyond someone’s weaknesses to his or her inner being, where we can see his/her inner beauty and potential. It is only then that we can speak against a behaviour without speaking against the person.

Appreciation. To feel greater levels of self-confidence and self-worth, we need to feel recognised, appreciated, respected and valued for what we are, what we give, what we do and how we are unique and special. We thrive when we are encouraged, and appreciation is encouragement. It also fosters greater closeness.

Affection. Touch is essential for opening up and remaining intimate. From holding hands to making love, expressing ourselves physically helps us stay connected and secure in each other’s presence. But affection can be more than physical. It is also about feeling and communicating that you genuinely like someone else, and like being in his / her presence. You are also being affectionate when you are kind, considerate, playful, romantic, compassionate, thoughtful and empathetic.

Allowing. In a relationship, when I am allowed to be my authentic self, to express my deepest needs and longings, to trust in my own judgement, to go after creating my life’s goals and ambitions and to explore my own unique path and interests, you are allowing me the ability to create my best self. My best self is the self I would be if I weren’t devoting so much of my time and energy to meeting everyone else’s needs, expectations and demands. So if you want me, you cannot be controlling of me, or put so many nasty demands on me that I wind up losing myself in order to take care of you.

The five As are eloquently articulated and described by David Richo in his book How to be an adult in Relationships (Shambala). They are the essential ingredients of love, respect, security and support. All of them make us more loving both when we give and when we receive them.

Neil Rosenthal is a marriage and family therapist specialising in intimate relationships.

Just in passing

I remember a train journey I once undertook from Kerala to Mumbai where for the most part I did nothing but tree-gazing. I was in the ladies compartment with other ladies for company but travelling alone and just sitting at the window looking at the trees outside. Which were densely packed and verdant in Kerala but grew sparser as we travelled through Tamil Nadu, Andhra Pradesh and Karnataka. I remember I got through the whole journey without feeling the need to lie down except at night when it was dark outside and the trees invisible, and with no mental tedium that is usually associated with such long journeys. It was somehow more fascinating than talking to my co-passengers, engaging in small-talk and exchanging pleasantries. It was during that journey that I realised that trees have a character of their own, no matter how deformed, broken or dwarfed they might be. They in their wooden silence communicated far more than humans do in their animated talk. Maybe it’s because trees can’t be anything else but themselves. While humans beings are role-playing most of the time. It must have been a truly memorable journey because that’s the only one that stands out in my memory all these years and so many other train journeys later.

Two ways to look at a tree

Let’s say we are engaged in the joyful occupation of looking at a tree. I’ve noticed that there are at least two ways in which we can look at a tree.

The first way would be to look at the tree critically. As soon as we begin, the minds starts a running commentary comprising of statements, observations and questions. Something like – “The tree looks so beautiful / green / bare / wilted. I wonder how old it is. But I can find out only by cutting it down and counting the rings. But it certainly looks old. I wonder if there are any birds’ nests in it. What kinds of birds would be nesting in it? Does it produce flowers? Or fruits? How does one tell if a tree’s fruit is edible and not poisonous? Maybe in the old days people tried eating all the fruits and when they found it tasty and no one died, they pronounced it edible.” And on and on. At the end of half an hour, our brain would have worked out a number of things about the tree and worked itself up trying to get a cerebral understanding of the tree.

The other way would be to simply watch the tree. If any thoughts come up to watch those as well. Eventually the thoughts would all die down and there would be only the tree in all its Beingness. After a while the barriers that separate you and the tree might begin to dissolve and you may begin to feel that your being is one with that of the tree’s. It wouldn’t even matter that you are one kind of living being and the tree is another. And that you communicate using different means. Because you would have reached a state where it can be said that you are in communion with the tree, that the tree and you are one. After that there could be a realisation that you and the tree are both pure consciousness of which you and the tree are manifestations. That can be said to be a state of pure love. This state, of course, can be reached with anything, whether living or non-living.

Unfortunately, most of us live in a world where we don’t get a chance to look within ourselves, let alone watch a tree. We mostly only look at CVs, bank balances, health test reports, other people's successes, and of course the mirror. Our lives are almost entirely lived in the external, in the world. Outside events and experiences determine all our joys and miseries. We fail to notice that there is an inner world that is vastly more powerful, more magnificent, more blissful and which encompasses the whole universe, not just the world of the senses. That the joy present in this world is totally independent of the outside world and can be accessed anytime, regardless of the circumstances.

Sometimes we need to watch a tree / a cloud / raindrops / sunset / cats. Or just observe silence.

Footnote : Most societies, even the most materially prosperous ones, are still living in ‘survival’ mode. The poorer ones are just trying to survive in the physical plane, ie trying to keep body and soul together. But once this need has been met we construct more and more elaborate models to keep what we have acquired and acquire more and more. Then it has more to do with the ‘survival’ of the status quo. And as more success is achieved the subtle shift in the status quo ensures that more prosperous societies struggle and stress out as much as poorer societies do, trying to keep themselves in the ‘income bracket’ / comfort zone and to move further up. Thereby condemning themselves to perpetually being in ‘survival’ mode.

Dignity of labour

On the first day as President Abraham Lincoln entered to give his inaugural address, just in the middle one man stood up. He was a rich aristocrat. He said, "Mr.Lincoln, you must not forget that your father used to make shoes for our family." And the whole Senate laughed, they thought they had made a fool of Abraham Lincoln.

But Lincoln, and that type of people are made of an entirely different mettle. Lincoln looked at the man and said, "Sir, I know that my father used to make shoes in your house for your family, and there will be many others here ... because the way he made shoes, nobody else can. He was a creator. His shoes were not just shoes, he poured his whole soul in it. I want to ask you, have you any complaint? Because I know how to make shoes myself, if you have any complaint, I can make another pair of shoes. But as far as I know, no one has ever complained about my father's shoes. He was a genius, a great creator and I am proud of my father."

The whole Senate was struk dumb. They could not understand what kind of man Abraham Lincoln was. He had made shoe-making an art, a creativity. And he was proud because his father did the job so well that not even a single complaint had ever been heard.

It does not matter what you do. It matters how you do it - of your own accord, with your own vision, with your own love. Then whatever you touch becomes gold.

I am That

That which throbs in my every heartbeat,

that which lies awake while I sleep,

that which rests in the gap between my thoughts,

that which negates me, destroys my ego,

that which transforms me into nothingness and everythingness,

I am That, I am That, I am the Brahmah.

Soulmates

Soulmates come into our life to teach us lessons.

When the teaching is done they leave.

That is inevitable.

Wisdom lies in letting them go.

Joy lies in being grateful that they came into our lives.

P.S. The laws of the soul are implacable and wise.

Haiku

Sometimes it is enough

to just be there

and just be yourself.

My need, a wound,

bleeds into the night,

bleeds me of joy.

Long dark night of rain,

long night of the soul,

brilliant, glorious morning.

Attention

Anything you nurture and pay attention to flourishes,
anything you neglect dies,
this is a law of nature.

P.S. this also applies to relationships.