Emergence...

It took me three decades to finally realise that the purpose of my life is NOT to bear children or raise a family. To realise that I don’t have to be a mother to feel complete. That I don’t even need a home and hearth to be at home. It took me this long to find out that the only reason why I was born is to find myself. And what a perilous thing that seems, so fraught with adventure, danger, fear and failure. And yet when I look back, I see that I have come a long way from being a lost, confused, misguided youth to being a woman who is finally beginning to see glimpses of her true worth, to see that her womanliness is intact even without kids, her soul is divine under all circumstances, even when she is down in the dust. I have come to realise that I don’t need a man, a career, relationships, looks, wealth, roots, country or even the identity of a name to feel complete. I am finally beginning to see the wisdom of the words that ‘all treasures lie within’. So now I have finally dropped my search for them without.

At first it seemed strange because when you take away all external things there is nothing left. Our mind is so occupied with the externals, with the superficial things that we seek our happiness in. The lack of which causes pain, the presence of which gives happiness, but which is so temporary that it is foolish to base one’s happiness on something so inconstant. But when you drop your dependence on the mind, drop the mind itself, then a vast silence comes into being which instead of being desolate, is alive and pulsating. In which dwells peace that passes understanding, bliss that is out of the world and whose very nature is love.

I have realised that all the experiences I’ve gone through in life have been there for my learning, even the horrible ones. The ones I have railed against and shaken my fist at God against. That at that time felt like I was being made to swallow the bitterest, foulest medicine ever made. They were His form of tough love. It was as if He was saying to me, ‘Why are you all curled up and sitting in a bud? Bloom, my child, bloom to be the magnificent blossom you were meant to be.’ When someone trusts you so much you cannot let them down, can you? I guess the ugly chrysalis has to emerge to be a beautiful butterfly one day.

We are like waves in the huge ocean of existence, we rise briefly and fall back again into the source. The mistake we make is to think ourselves separate from the ocean, to lose our sense of connection with the whole. The knowledge of oneness is our only anchor, without it we toss anchorless, drifting aimlessly, buffeted by the storms of circumstance, bruised and broken on the rocks of misfortune.

So now I’m in a state of peace, a state of grace and this grace is hard-won. It did not come easily. It came after defeating persistent demons, crossing tumultuous rivers and braving devastating storms. It’s like the well-earned peace that comes after a particularly destructive storm, when all is swept away and the only thing standing is yourself. And you realise that that’s all you need to build again.

I have come to realise that my magnum opus is the book of my life. The masterpiece that is me is not in the making, it has already been created, already written. Harmonious, complete, joyful, in tune with the universe. After all, God writes only bestsellers :) I only have to read it and savour it, everyday, every moment.

Haiku

Seeking nothing for itself
but finding itself everywhere
my soul rolls in ecstasy.

The caged bird

Though wings have I
yet I cannot fly
the sky is just a dream.

~~~

The soul held captive
by the bars of the mind
yet knowing itself free.

Gabriela Mistral

Some beautiful poems by Gabriela Mistral, great Chilean Poet and winner of the Nobel Prize for Literature

ROCKING

Holy Oceans rocks its millions
of waves in the sun.
Listening to loving seas
I rock my little one

Wandering in the night the wind
rocks the wheat.
Listening to the loving winds
I rock my sweet.

The Father rocks his thousand worlds
Silent, mild.
Feeling his hand in the darkness
I rock my child.


THE SAD MOTHER

Sleep, sleep, my beloved,
without worry, without fear,
although my soul does not sleep,
although I do not rest.

Sleep, sleep, and in the night
may your whispers be softer
than a leaf of grass,
or the silken fleece of lambs.

May my flesh slumber in you,
my worry, my trembling.
In you, may my eyes close
and my heart sleep.


I AM NOT ALONE

The night, it is deserted
from the mountains to the sea.
But I, the one who rocks you,
I am not alone!

The sky, it is deserted
for the moon falls to the sea.
But I, the one who holds you,
I am not alone !

The world, it is deserted.
All flesh is sad you see.
But I, the one who hugs you,
I am not alone!


LITTLE FEET

Children’s little feet,
blue with cold how can you be
seen and not protected
dear Lord!!

Little feet bruised
by every stone
abused by the snow,
the mud:

Blind eyes don’t see that
where you pass
You leave a living flower
of light,

that where you set
your bleeding sole
the sweet herb grows
more sweet.

Since you walk
the straight streets,
be heroic, as you are
complete

Children’s little feet,
jewels of suffering,
how can those who pass you
not see!!


GIVE ME YOUR HAND

Give me your hand and give me your love,
give me your hand and dance with me.
A single flower, and nothing more,
a single flower is all we'll be.

Keeping time in the dance together,
you'll be singing the song with me.
Grass in the wind, and nothing more,
grass in the wind is all we'll be.

I'm called Hope and you're called Rose:
but losing our names we'll both go free,
a dance on the hills, and nothing more,
a dance on the hills is all we'll be.

Haiku

My soul unfolds
in widening circles
of love.

seeking ......

Most people think that the purpose in life is to find happiness
and they search for love, wealth, peace ...
But little do they know that if one finds the Self,
one would have found everything ....

One

Peel away these layers of ignorance, oh Lord,
so that my soul shall stand revealed.

Then I shall offer it to You, oh Lord,
with inexpressible gratitude and joy.

Then there shall be no division, oh Lord,
then we shall forever be One.

I already Am

There is no growth
I already Am.
There is only a revealment
of who I already Am.

the Self

If you love the Self,
you will have loved the world.

Living is Life's only Purpose

--- excerpt from 'I Am That' by Nisargadatta Maharaj ---

Questioner: What does it mean to fail in Yoga? Who is a failure in Yoga (yoga bhrashta)?

Maharaj: It is only a question of incompletion. He who could not complete his Yoga for some reason is called failed in Yoga. Such failure is only temporary, for there can be no defeat in Yoga. This battle is always won, for it is a battle between the true and the false. The false has no chance.

Q: Who fails? The person (vyakti) or the self (vyakta)?

M: The question is wrongly put. There is no question of failure, neither in the short run nor in the long. It is like travelling a long and arduous road in an unknown country. Of all the innumerable steps there is only the last which brings you to your destination. Yet you will not consider all previous steps as failures. Each brought you nearer to your goal, even when you had to turn back to by-pass an obstacle. In reality each step brings you to your goal, because to be always on the move, learning, discovering, unfolding, is your eternal destiny. Living is life's only purpose. The self does not identify itself with success or failure -- the very idea of becoming this or that is unthinkable. The self understands that success and failure are relative and related, that they are the very warp and weft of life. Learn from both and go beyond. If you have not learnt, repeat.

Q: What am I to learn?

M: To live without self-concern. For this you must know your own true being (swarupa) as indomitable, fearless, ever victorious. Once you know with absolute certainty that nothing can trouble you but your own imagination, you come to disregard your desires and fears, concepts and ideas and live by truth alone.

Q: What may be the reason that some people succeed and others fail in Yoga? Is it destiny or character, or just accident?

M: Nobody ever fails in Yoga. It is all a matter of the rate of progress. It is slow in the beginning and rapid in the end. When one is fully matured, realisation is explosive. It takes place spontaneously, or at the slightest hint. The quick is not better than the slow. Slow ripening and rapid flowering alternate. Both are natural and right. 
Yet, all this is so in the mind only. As I see it, there is really nothing of the kind. In the great mirror of consciousness images arise and disappear and only memory gives them continuity. And memory is material -- destructible, perishable, transient. On such flimsy foundations we build a sense of personal existence -- vague, intermittent, dreamlike. This vague persuasion: 'I-am-so-and-so' obscures the changeless state of pure awareness and makes us believe that we are born to suffer and to die.

Q: Just as a child cannot help growing, so does a man, compelled by nature, make progress. Why exert oneself? Where is the need of Yoga?

M: There is progress all the time. Everything contributes to progress. But this is the progress of ignorance. The circles of ignorance may be ever widening, yet it remains a bondage all the same. In due course a Guru appears to teach and inspire us to practise Yoga and a ripening takes place as a result of which the immemorial night of ignorance dissolves before the rising sun of wisdom. But in reality nothing happened. The sun is always there, there is no night to it; the mind blinded by the 'I am the body' idea spins out endlessly its thread of illusion.

Q: If all is a part of a natural process, where is the need of effort?

M: Even effort is a part of it. When ignorance becomes obstinate and hard and the character gets perverted, effort and the pain of it become inevitable. In complete obedience to nature there is no effort. The seed of spiritual life grows in silence and in darkness until its appointed hour.

Q: We come across some great people, who, in their old age, become childish, petty, quarrelsome and spiteful. How could they deteriorate so much?

M: They were not perfect Yogis, having their bodies under complete control. Or, they might not have cared to protect their bodies from the natural decay. One must not draw conclusions without understanding all the factors. Above all, one must not make judgements of inferiority or superiority. Youthfulness is more a matter of vitality (prana) than of wisdom (jnana) .

Q: One may get old, but why should one lose all alertness and discrimination?

M: Consciousness and unconsciousness, while in the body depend on the condition of the brain. But the self is beyond both, beyond the brain, beyond the mind. The fault of the instrument is no reflection on its user.

Q: I was told that a realised man will never do anything unseemly. He will always behave in an exemplary way.

M: Who sets the example? Why should a liberated man necessarily follow conventions? The moment he becomes predictable, he cannot be free. His freedom lies in his being free to fulfil the need of the moment, to obey the necessity of the situation. Freedom to do what one likes is really bondage, while being free to do what one must, what is right, is real freedom.

Q: Still there must be some way of making out who has realised and who has not. If one is indistinguishable from the other, of what use is he?

M: He who knows himself has no doubts about it. Nor does he care whether others recognise his state or not. Rare is the realised man who discloses his realisation and fortunate are those who have met him, for he does it for their abiding welfare.

Q: When one looks round, one is appalled by the volume of unnecessary suffering that is going on. People who should be helped are not getting help. Imagine a big hospital ward full of incurables, tossing and moaning. Were you given the authority to kill them all and end their torture, would you not do so?

M: I would leave it to them to decide.

Q: But if their destiny is to suffer? How can you interfere with destiny?

M: Their destiny is what happens. There is no thwarting of destiny. You mean to say everybody's life is totally determined at his birth? What a strange idea! Were it so, the power that determines would see to it that nobody should suffer.

Q: What about cause and effect?

M: Each moment contains the whole of the past and creates the whole of the future.

Q: But past and future exist?

M: In the mind only. Time is in the mind, space is in the mind. The law of cause and effect is also a way of thinking. In reality all is here and now and all is one. Multiplicity and diversity are in the mind only.

Q: Still, you are in favour of relieving suffering, even through destruction of the incurably diseased body.

M: Again, you look from outside while I look from within. I do not see a sufferer, I am the sufferer. I know him from within and do what is right spontaneously and effortlessly. I follow no rules nor lay down rules. I flow with life -- faithfully and irresistibly.

Q: Still you seem to be a very practical man in full control of your immediate surroundings.

M: What else do you expect me to be? A misfit?

Q: Yet you cannot help another much.

M: Surely, I can help. You too can help. Everybody can help. But the suffering is all the time recreated. Man alone can destroy in himself the roots of pain. Others can only help with the pain, but not with its cause, which is the abysmal stupidity of mankind.

Q: Will this stupidity ever come to an end?

M: In man -- of course. Any moment. In humanity -- as we know it -- after very many years. In creation -- never, for creation itself is rooted in ignorance; matter itself is ignorance. Not to know, and not to know that one does not know, is the cause of endless suffering.

Q: We are told of the great avatars, the saviours of the world.

M: Did they save? They have come and gone -- and the world plods on. Of course, they did a lot and opened new dimensions in the human mind. But to talk of saving the world is an exaggeration.

Q: Is there no salvation for the world?

M: Which world do you want to save? The world of your own projection? Save it yourself. My world? Show me my world and I shall deal with it. I am not aware of any world separate from myself, which I am free to save or not to save. What business have you with saving the world, when all the world needs is to be saved from you? Get out of the picture and see whether there is anything left to save.

Q: You seem to stress the point that without you your world would not have existed and therefore the only thing you can do for it is to wind up the show. This is not a way out. Even if the world were of my own creation, this knowledge does not save it. It only explains it. The question remains: why did I create such a wretched world and what can I do to change it? You seem to say: forget it all and admire your own glory. Surely, you don't mean it. The description of a disease and its causes does not cure it. What we need is the right medicine.

M: The description and causation are the remedy for a disease caused by obtuseness and stupidity. Just like a deficiency disease is cured through the supply of the missing factor, so are the diseases of living cured by a good dose of intelligent detachment. (viveka-vairagya).

Q: You cannot save the world by preaching counsels of perfection. People are as they are. Must they suffer?

M: As long as they are as they are, there is no escape from suffering. Remove the sense of separateness and there will be no conflict.

Q: A message in print may be paper and ink only. It is the text that matters. By analysing the world into elements and qualities we miss the most important -- its meaning. Your reduction of everything to dream disregards the difference between the dream of an insect and the dream of a poet. All is dream, granted. But not all are equal.

M: The dreams are not equal, but the dreamer is one. I am the insect. I am the poet -- in dream. But in reality I am neither. I am beyond all dreams. I am the light in which all dreams appear and disappear. I am both inside and outside the dream. Just as a man having headache knows the ache and also knows that he is not the ache, so do I know the dream, myself dreaming and myself not dreaming -- all at the same time. I am what I am before, during and after the dream. But what I see in dream, l am not.

Q: It is all a matter of imagination. One imagines that one is dreaming, another imagines one is not dreaming. Are not both the same?

M: The same and not the same. Not dreaming, as an interval between two dreams, is of course, a Part of dreaming. Not dreaming as a steady hold on, and timeless abidance in reality has nothing to do with dreaming. In that sense I never dream, nor ever shall.

Q: If both dream and escape from dream are imaginings, what is the way out?

M: There is no need of a way out! Don't you see that a way out is also a part of the dream? All you have to do is to see the dream as dream.

Q: If I start the practice of dismissing everything as a dream where will it lead me?

M: Wherever it leads you, it will be a dream. The very idea of going beyond the dream is illusory. Why go anywhere? Just realise that you are dreaming a dream you call the world, and stop looking for ways out. The dream is not your problem. Your problem is that you like one part of your dream and not another. Love all, or none of it, and stop complaining. When you have seen the dream as a dream, you have done all that needs be done.

Q: Is dreaming caused by thinking?

M: Everything is a play of ideas. In the state free from ideation (nirvikalpa samadhi) nothing is perceived. The root idea is: 'I am'. It shatters the state of pure consciousness and is followed by the innumerable sensations and perceptions, feeling and ideas which in their totality constitute God and His world. The 'I am' remains as the witness, but it is by the will of God that everything happens.

Q: Why not by my will?

M: Again you have split yourself -- into God and witness. Both are one.

In retrospect ...

I wish I'd known from the beginning that I was born a strong woman. What a difference it would have made! I wish I had known that I was born a courageous woman; I've spent so much of my life cowering. How many conversations would I not only have started but finished if I had known I possessed a warrior's heart? I wish I'd known that I'd been born to take on the world; I wouldn't have run from it for so long, but run to it with open arms.

----- excerpt from Something More by Sarah Ban Breathnach -------------