My dear Chirrikkuduka :D

Dearest Rajam,

Do you realise it is exactly twenty years since we first met in the corridors of NITIE. I don't know what you gained from that course but I not only did I gain a diploma and a fresh start to a new career but I also met you and you have remained one of my most cherished friends throughout these years. It must have been our individual pain at that time that brought us together and our determination to overcome it that took us to all sorts of unusual places. Do you remember the fair we went to in Matunga and how we tried our hands at almost all the games there. We were like two teenage girls, giggling all the time and eating pink candy floss. I hadn't done that since I was a kid. I don't giggle so much these days my dear, but I'm sure you still do.

I have come a long way since then, geographically at least :))) I'm not sure about my mental and spiritual development but I like to think that suffering and joy have both contributed to my growth. However, I must admit there are still some days on which I feel like a lonely, insecure teenager.

I remember we used to talk for hours, you did all the talking and I did the listening and even though you still complain about my lack of words, I think we should do what we are best at doing. So I will continue to listen, my dear, because it gives me immense pleasure to hear you talk and even more to hear you laugh. I don't know at what point of time you took up residence in my heart but you have lived there ever since. Even though when you went away to Belgium I had thought that our friendship was over.

You probably think that I have reached some high state of spiritual development, but, my dear, my days are as normal as yours. I stumble often and fall just like everyone does. But it is true there are times when I can reach the stillness within and then the dross falls away and only pure light of consciousness remains. Once you have experienced that joy then the pleasures of the world are not worth desiring even, but the senses are so clever they insidiously draw you back and so like everyone else I wallow in the world.

My dear Rajam, as you go about your life please know that my love is with you from moment to moment. And if in a moment of quiet, my thought brings a smile on your face, just think that I have been richly rewarded :) And, my dear, also know that your love for me has been like a golden shimmering thread that runs through the tapestry of my life.

With deepest affection,

:D

A River Soliloquy

I sit by the riverbank watching the river flow. It has a tempo of its own, it flows to the rhythm of nature, the beat of the earth and slowly I relax to match its tempo. My breathing slows down, my body loses its rigidly-held tensions and it feels as though the weight of my burdens fall off and flow away with the waters.

There are fallen logs rotting in the water on the edge, green with moss and coming apart slowly. Looking at them I realize how things come full circle, the cycle of life and death as things return unresistingly to the source. How different is man, how we cling to this transitory life, this false permanence.

Sometimes ducks come out to feed, foraging in the shallow waters. Also black swans, gliding like black clouds over the blue surface, their gait unhurried, their necks graceful. A duck with ducklings joins in sometimes, the babies, balls of fluff frantically following their mother around. Love wells up inside me, and breaking the barriers of my heart it flows towards the little family, embracing them in protection. But occasionally, the duckling number dwindles and I guess the mother learns to let go without attachment.

The river is mostly flowing, the current creating a dancing, rippling surface and a quiet music, but after a heavy rain, the river is muddy and full-bodied and rushing towards the sea. But even in the speed there is calmness beneath. And on some days, the waters are totally unmoving, or seems to be. Then the surface is like a glass lake. The trees on the banks peer at their own reflection even as I do, white clouds glide on the still surface and birds flap their wings and swoop without creating even a ripple. Things are not as they seem, the river seems to say. Be aware of the illusion of things.

a workplace litany

beneath the hum of the air-conditioning
i hear a lone cicada singing.
a strange out-of-place voice
among the honey-comb-office noise.
then just as quickly it fades
as bustle and clamour pervades.

then, in a moment of quiet,
arching, it rises to a height,
a simple, soul-stirring symphony,
a lilting, light-hearted litany.
the most precious things of all,
they speak silently to the soul.

* ** *** **** ***** **** *** ** *

Truth ?

A dear friend and I were having this discussion about Truth, and he kept saying, ‘I want to find out the truth, go deep into things and find it’. And I was wondering, what truth? where is he going to find it? Is truth so limited that it can be grasped by the mind?

When I am in deep meditation, I dissolve into nothingness. There is nothing left, not even the presence of spirit. Even the word ‘nothingness’ is inadequate to describe that state. That is the closest I have got to Truth.

In my opinion, everything else are beliefs, concepts, ideas, that we hold individually or together consensually. They are signposts, illuminations, guidelines, maps to help us navigate through the mine-filled labyrinth of life. But sometimes we espouse them so passionately, make them so inextricably our own that we are sometimes willing to even kill or die for our truths. We condemn and hate and live in fear on account of these truths. We allow these to blind us so completely that we seldom realize or are even aware of the luminous light that is our natural state.

But I guess my friend was looking for answers to questions, for light on issues that needed illumination. I hope he finds them.

An old Tamil song plays....

A haunting Malayalam number from the movie 'Manichitratazhu'


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